Pat yourself on the back

Acknowledgement isn't just about a pat on the back - it's about recognising and appreciating what someone has done. It's about gratitude and fulfilment. Perhaps most importantly, it's not just about acknowledging others or having others acknowledge you, it's also about acknowledging yourself.

This year I've been lucky enough to be on a training programme that includes fantastic peer group facilitated sessions with five of the other women from the programme.

We had our last peer group session this week (we're hoping to get sponsorship to fund another six months' worth of it - any takers?). The session was about acknowledgement - and it got me thinking about how important it is.

I've worked in several advertising and communications agencies and have learnt a lot about how acknowledgement - or the lack of it - can make a huge impact on clients, suppliers and colleagues. When I became a manager for the first time, working in a communications agency in London, I ensured my team's successes were celebrated and their contributions were acknowledged. I also made a point of thanking people - not just for the small things, but for the big ones too.

Here are a few things that I've found to be really effective:

* Acknowledge e-mails. Even if it's to thank the sender for their message and to say that while I can't respond immediately I will do so by [date/time]. There's nothing worse than sending an e-mail (especially an estimate, proposal or first draft of something) and getting a resounding silence in return. That's when paranoia - or irritation - sets in. You should never get an e-mail asking 'Did you get that document I sent you last week?'.

* Post-project thank yous. Whenever we completed a project, I would send a company-wide e-mail containing a brief summary of it and a list of all the people who had contributed to it, including a sentence (usually humorous) about each person's contribution. This did a good job of making the team feel valued and appreciated - and raised their profiles internally.

* Thanking clients. I thank them for sending material promptly, for updating me on changes and particularly for paying my invoices on time. I have one freelance client who I love working with because they communicate well and always pay me within an hour of my invoicing them. I regularly tell them that I wish more clients would be like them and that I really enjoy working with them. We have a great relationship and they know that I will always accommodate them - even at short notice.

* Whenever someone mentions me or my business in an article, I always make a point of e-mailing them to thank them for the mention - and if I've enjoyed their article I will compliment them on their expertise too. I know that I enjoy receiving that sort of e-mail so I send them freely (but sincerely).

If you give, you will receive, and this is true for acknowledgement too. If you feel underappreciated or undervalued, perhaps it's worth exploring why.

Jo Duxbury is founder of <a href="http://www.freelancentral.co.za/">www.freelancentral.co.za</a>

If you give, you will receive, and this is true for acknowledgement too. If you feel underappreciated or undervalued, perhaps it's worth exploring why. Simply e-mailing a short survey to your main clients can result in some useful insights - and probably a few compliments too.

Soliciting acknowledgement from clients (or indeed friends) can be seen as fishing for compliments, but it is a very useful exercise and results not only in a confidence boost, but sometimes in new focus and direction.

Back to my peer group session. Our facilitator asked us to write down all the things we felt we hadn't achieved this year. When we'd done that, she asked us to look at it and 'let it go'. This was difficult for me, type A personality that I am. I do tend to have very high expectations of myself and if I don't achieve them, it really bothers me. But acknowledging that I'd done my best with the resources I have, I eventually tore up that list of non-achievements and put it behind me.

Then we were asked to write a list of all the things we had achieved. Unexpectedly, this list was much longer than the previous one. Just writing down all the things I have done this year lifted my spirits. We then read out our lists to the group, after which each of us took turns to say what we acknowledge and appreciate about the others.

My group said some lovely things about me - some of which really surprised me. I have such a preconceived idea of myself that it was interesting to see how others, who now know me well, see me. I won't go into detail, but it was wonderful to get - and give - such positive feedback.

Receiving acknowledgement gracefully is a skill of its own. How often, when someone pays you a compliment, do you brush it off? I cobbled together a very simple design for a wine label for a garagiste friend of mine last week. I'm no designer, but I have a good eye and can do cool things with PowerPoint. My friend loved what I did, but I brushed off her thanks with 'Oh, it was nothing; it wasn't properly designed'. What does that reaction risk doing? It could make my friend feel that she's misjudged the design; undermining her ability to recognise it for what it is. I essentially told her she was wrong. Instead telling her that I was happy to help her out and produce something she loved would have been much more gracious!

The point is that giving and receiving validation and acknowledgement is vitally important. It builds relationships, reassures you that you're doing something right, makes you feel noticed and appreciated - and it helps you be a little kinder to yourself too.

* Jo Duxbury is founder of www.freelancentral.co.za.