Tired of 'women in tech'

I am a woman in tech. I attend the female-only tech events where all the gals in the industry get together to discuss our marginal status and brainstorm how we can work together to level the playing field.

Conversations that need to be had, most certainly. Don't get me wrong - I am always willing to champion gender equality and am all for engaging in discussions around how to promote this both within the tech industry and across broader society.

But if I'm being brutally honest, I'm finding this whole dialogue a bit of a bore. Mainly because we discuss the same issues and spew the same grand clich'es about the tech industry being a "man's world" and make very few tangible contributions towards changing the situation.

At a recent tech conference, I attended a women in technology panel discussion where the entire panel was made up of women ? as was the majority of the audience ? and this is my problem. We are having conversations around our challenges and our experiences in settings where we are generally outnumbered but we fail to include men in the conversation.

If you were at a restaurant and were having a negative experience, you wouldn't turn to the other patrons to resolve the issue. You would speak to the restaurant owner or the manager. You would speak to someone in a position of power who is able to use that position to handle your concerns. So why aren't we engaging with these "boys clubs" and bringing men into the equation?

By facilitating these "us" and "them" events are we not just further emphasising our "otherness" in tech environments?

Allow me to share a bugbear of mine. Well, a few actually.

Apparently, as a member of a certain gender, you exhibit certain traits. No exceptions. All women are timid and nurturing. All men are assertive and good leaders. My personal favourite being: women are good at multi-tasking. I'm a woman and I'm awful at it. Let's just say, I once tried to apply sunscreen while driving and things did not end well. And this one comes up every time I get together with my fellow women in tech.

Come on folks, clumping large groups of people together and deciding they are this or that because of their hair colour, race or gender totally fails to do anyone justice and is frankly just plain ignorant.

Another common topic of discussion is the fact that women in these circles are frequently judged by their appearance and their choice of outfit rather than their skillset and mental capabilities. But at these same events we are told that we have to look and behave a certain way in order to be taken seriously in testosterone-rich environments.

I'm confused. I thought we wanted to change how this game is being played, not casually go along with it? And let's be honest, corporate dress codes apply to both sexes - if you are going to an important meeting both men and women should dress in a certain way.

How are men supposed to understand our realities if they are not part of these meetings where we discuss all of this super-secret girl stuff?

In line with this, something many women in this industry seem to struggle with is the idea that they have to act like a man in order to get ahead. We bemoan this constantly. And yet we are encouraged to behave more like men so that our colleagues will hear us out. Again, how is this solving workplace gender stereotypes? Aren't we just going along with preconceived ideas around how men and women should act within the confines of an office?

And yes, by virtue of the fact that we as women actually grow and bring forth little humans into the world, we do have a different level of responsibility within families and have to navigate the complexity that is work/life balance but men have families too. They may not breastfeed but they also have responsibilities within the home. Figuring out how to be a working professional and have a successful home life is not only a woman's issue - it's a people issue.

So how do we fix this? If you ask me, the solution most certainly is not by having women-only events. Let's have a conversation with our colleagues who we believe don't understand the challenges of being a mother, or who think we don't exhibit the qualities required to be a leader because we lack a Y chromosome. How are men supposed to understand our realities if they are not part of these meetings where we discuss all of this super-secret girl stuff?

Yes, we are a minority. Yes, we face various challenges by virtue of this fact. But sitting around making gross generalisations about the opposite sex only reinforces these hurdles and further solidifies the rift that already exists between us. If we want a more inclusive industry, we need to work together to come up with strategies that benefit everyone.