A friend of mine recently had a baby. For fear of insulting this person (I promise, I do love the new mommy very dearly) let's call her Mary. To keep all of the people in her life informed, in the run-up to the day when she would be bringing a new little human into the world, Mary opted to create a group chat on WhatsApp.
Promptly, Mary added 85 of her nearest and dearest to this group so that she and her husband wouldn't have any trouble telling everyone exactly what was happening. I was one of these people.
On the morning when Mary was wheeled into theatre for her C-section, I woke up to 37 new WhatsApp messages. You see, she and her husband had sent a message to the group from the hospital waiting room, alerting us all that the time had come. This I do not mind. What I do mind is the 36 other people who decided to use this forum to wish the expectant mother well, to make jokes about how the couple would soon be rather sleep deprived, and congratulate them on their impending parenthood.
Several hours later, the world now blessed with another human being, we received a post-birth selfie and were informed that mommy and baby were doing well. News I was obviously pleased to hear. But I was not alone in my joy for the lovely Mary, as I learned from the 53 messages that had been sent by various people in the group.
Again, allow me to clarify that I do love Mary and her husband - and their offspring - rather a lot. And I'm very happy they are parents and that they want to share snaps of the new addition to their family with me. They're not the issue here, well, not entirely.
What is the issue for me is that I had to scroll through countless messages, which takes time and costs me money, just to find out exactly what was going on. Most of these messages were from people I don't even know. I find it astounding that we as users of instant messaging applications have not collectively settled on what one should and shouldn't do when part of a group chat; "group chat etiquette" if you will.
Perhaps I am just a horrible human, but I suspect I am not alone in these feelings.
Dos and don'ts
In the same way that you wouldn't lick your plate clean at the dinner table or spit on public transport, I think it would be a good idea to agree on a few parameters for how to make group chats beneficial for everyone involved. Allow me to share a few of my thoughts on the subject.
Before you start a group chat - ask yourself this question: is it really necessary to communicate this information via a group? If, after several moments of quiet contemplation you have decided that it is, then, I beg of you to take another few moments to ponder who would really benefit from receiving this information.
And this is a very important step because adding someone to a group that they have little to no interest in is just a waste of everyone's time. Just ask Tom. Last year, he decided to create a group to send all of his exes some Christmas cheer. Given the fact that dear old Tom may have cheated on some of the ladies in the group with other ladies in the group, I think you can imagine the response to his "Merry Ex-mas" chat.
Similarly, I know WhatsApp recently increased the number of people that you can include in a single group from 100 to 256 but that doesn't mean you have to make your groups unnecessarily large. Adding a huge amount of people to a group when you are planning an event, for example, just means differing opinions, clashing schedules and inevitably, very few decisions made.
If someone decides to leave the group, it shouldn't be perceived as an insult, it's a survival strategy.
And as a WhatsApp group user, before you decide to post that meme/article link/cat video/food picture, ask yourself, is this going to be appropriate/interesting/funny/tasty to the majority of the people in this group? If the answer is no, rather send it to the specific people you think may enjoy it. In line with this, we've all been part of those awkward conversations where you're an outsider. The ones where you sit quietly while old friends reminisce about things they've done or people they know and you have no clue what or who they are talking about. When people have one-on-one conversations within a group chat, they are merely digitising these "inside joke" conversations. Trust me, it's just as awkward for those involved.
Finally, and this is an important one ? people shouldn't be insulted when others opt to leave a group. If you were at a party with a bunch of people you didn't know and weren't enjoying yourself, you'd probably want to leave early. This is the same thing. If someone decides to leave the group, it shouldn't be perceived as an insult, it's a survival strategy.
Yes, I do acknowledge that some groups do provide a nice platform to talk rubbish with your mates or to share snaps of your hours-old bambino (you guessed it, I'm still talking about Mary). When used properly, I think group chats are really effective. Useful even. In Brazil, WhatsApp group chats between doctors have played a sizable role in both the investigation of and response to outbreaks of the Zika virus.
But does this mean I want to be added to countless groups every single week? No, thank you.
WhatsApp does offer the option to broadcast messages to a number of your contacts ? use it, people. And if you really have to create a group for something, please make sure that whatever you are sharing doesn't waste people's data or their time.
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